Archive for

By limiting myself, by having these constrictive beliefs, I make my life very small and sometimes very painful and sad.  

Yesterday I chose differently.  My friends ask me to spend the day with them on Sauvie Island.  I said no immediately, I had a list of to do’s and I was behind.  My son heard me, and said, “you need to go.”  Perhaps, it is permission I am always waiting for.  Only I need to give it to myself, and not wait for someone else to say, “it’s okay, you can enjoy life too.”  Yesterday, I needed my son to say, “yes” for me.  I give myself permission to say “yes” or “no” from now on.  It is my choice…I need to dream big, and live happier. 

Tomorrow I must speak in front of the church briefly to initiate the stewardship conversation.  I have been sorting through various thoughts on the matter; how to encourage others to share their gifts.  I will open myself to Spirit…it is the only Way.  

I have lived in the land of the distracted

today I packed my bags, left them on the curb

and walked away

Seated at my table 

with nothing but a soft breathe

God has waited patiently for me

No hurry

no judgment

no agenda

or timetable

as if there were no other place to Be

no other pressing concerns

God has waited patiently for me

And I have rushed

and hemmed and hawed

and filled my life 

with nothing but distractions

with one finger perpetually raised

as if to say

“in just a minute.”

I awoke this morning

and shed it all

to come to the table

with no plan deeper

than now

no hope for anything more

than the next chair

and too

took a deep and soft breathe

I’m working on a scarf right now, a gift for my niece Rachel.  My sister just dropped her off at Evergreen for her freshman year of college. As I have worked on this piece I have tried to only knit when my heart was happy and my thoughts pure.  There is a story I once heard that told of spinners praying and sending good intentions into the wool as they twisted it into yarn.  When the yarn was then knitted, prayers again were said, and loving thoughts carried from mind to heart to hands to each stitch.  So powerful was this that wearer of the newly made garment felt loved and protected.  I think about this often as I knit and spin, so much so that I will do neither if my heart is sad or I am harboring any anger or ill thoughts.  It is an exciting and scary time for Rachel, leaving the familiar and beginning a new chapter of her life.  I remember that time in my own life…discovering who I was, what my dreams were.  That girl, that me, is still here.  I am still discovering who I am, like that stream, I am ever changing.  What holds true for me is my desire to love and be loved.  May my simple gift to Rachel let her know that she is loved.