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I completed the icon I am giving to my brother and his new wife as a wedding gift. ūüôā ¬†I had a hard time starting the piece. ¬†I ¬†was fearful of making a mistake. ¬†But once I pushed through my initial hesitation, it was really wonderful to paint. ¬†I feel completely at home in my paints and brushes. ¬†I even made mistakes, but they could be fixed…just like everything.¬†

Thank you Mary, your presence and guidance filled me.  


There is more time when one is happy…

I have been surprised by my emotions
I wish I could explain it better than that
but I can only say 
my feelings have taken me totally by surprise
they hold ransom my body
leaving me breathless
and alive
wholly revealed
I tell myself
“stay with this,
here and now.
You have no guarantee of anything;
don’t even have hope.
Just stay here
live in the surprise
the wellspring is here
in the crest of energy
that fills me”
So I stay
and am grateful for every
rise and fall
of new feeling.

Just for today

Just for today

I will be believe my gifts
are God given 
I will believe I have
a responsibility to use those gifts
I will believe that God is 
waiting to see what 
I make of the talents 
he has given me
Just for today 
I will use my talents 
with abandon and gratitude
Just for today
I will not be afraid
and bury my gifts
for fear of losing them
Just for today I will believe this 
to be true for me


Seated in meditation posture

I become so aware of my breath
I can no longer breathe
I judge myself on the quality of each inhale and exhale
too short,
too rushed
too anything
but right
Completely unaware, 
my body has a rhythm
all its own
and in harmony 
with the Greater rhythm
why is it that
when I try to
focus on it,
it escapes me?
Last weekend I met the mother of a child who has a “non-familial disautonomic” disorder. ¬†I asked her what that meant, if she didn’t mind sharing, and how that manifested in her daughter. Feeling safe enough (her words) to talk, she told me that her daughter’s heart and lungs don’t operate in an automatic fashion, like everyone else’s body. ¬†Truly, her daughter has a condition that few have, and those that have had it are not alive. ¬†Her heart and lungs operate pretty much independently of each other, and do so at all now due to a machine that she is attached to 17 hours out of the day. ¬†Despite this, the girl is charming and funny, and a living miracle. ¬†There is no explanation for her condition nor for her being alive. ¬†I have thought of this girl all week. ¬†I take for granted my breath and my beating heart, and when I do pay attention to them, I feel panicked and struggle to hold that rhythm that comes so naturally most of the time. ¬†This young girl and her family are constantly aware of the delicate nature of her breath and beating heart, and yet they live life so fully, truly grateful for everyday. ¬†They have found a rhythm in their lives…a way to live aware of tenuousness of each moment, and yet so fully in the game. ¬†I want to find that rhythm in my own life, where I am balanced perfectly between awe and expectancy, living each moment as if it were the only.

My Heart

My heart has broken…

once too small 
to hold the beauty 
of this season
it has risen
created new boundaries
which expand on every exhale
and pause
just after the inhale
Everything is in that pause
recognition and wonder,
possibility and gratitude,
love and joy, 
and most deliberately,
that peace 
of accepting fully
only what 


At the beginning of anything is an energy of possibility that can be had at no other time. ¬†I have been exploring that energy lately. Rather, I have been living it. ¬†Not too long ago, I had an opportunity for a beginning, but I felt rushed where I would have rather savored. ¬†It is my choice in the end, how I approach and experience any moment, yet when I am in the moment with someone else, the dynamic changes. ¬†I don’t want to hurry through life, collecting trophies rather than real memories. ¬†I remember once visiting a ¬†rather large museum, filled with the works of many great artists. ¬†But there was so much to see and in an attempt to see it all, I found myself running through the rooms desperately. ¬†In the end, my memories are only of my frenetic pace. ¬†I regret not lingering over a single work and getting to know it intimately. ¬†I would rather have a few meaningful moments in my life than scores of fleeting, empty images.

Last night I went out to dance.  It was the best time I have had in a long time. I felt connected and present and swept away.  This is how I want all of my life to be.


It’s been one day short of a week since the historic election. ¬†Many that I have talked to have expressed the same feelings I have. There is a new sense of hope; a sense that things can change. ¬†I hadn’t realized the extent of the depression I have been in. ¬†It is hard to know such things while in the midst of them; it is only when we are able to look back that we can see what really was. ¬†The shift in the attitude of our nation has fostered a shift in my own attitude. ¬†I have been weighted down by the heaviness and fear, the the anxiety of the what might happen. ¬†On election night I broke down, surprised and relieved by my tears. ¬†There is hope. If our nation can change, so can I. I celebrate possibility!

The Day After

Yes we did!

Election Day

I did not sleep a wink last night; I think I’m feeling the anxiety of our nation. ¬†I am full of hope…but I was 4 years ago too. ¬†I voted and I’ve prayed, nothing left to do but wait. Think I’ll get my free cup of coffee from Starbucks :).

Anam Cara

in the quiet

of the morning
light wakes slowly
I count my blessings
in drifts like leaves 
after the first fall storm
and am grateful most
for the intimacy 
of those who know me 
and love me still
it is an intimacy that comes
with time
and presence
a knowing born from sacrifice,
and even effort
lived in the heart 
and listened to
then shared.
it is not
found in the easy 
of body and breath
my spirit 
finds true comfort 
in the sharing
of simple pleasures
my soul makes home
in the hearts 
of  those who walk
beside me
and know me
as I know them…
anam cara