Posted on April 29, 2009
Posted on April 27, 2009
It is difficult to follow a Rule of Life. Often I reread my rule and remind myself what it is I am supposed to doing. I never seem complete in my observance. But I try. Everyday I start over. Everyday. As if one day I will find the easy rhythm I am looking for and fall into some ancient pattern, a path I cannot stumble out of. It never happens, but each day I recommit…somedays with more energy and faith than other days. But nonetheless, I stay. I do not believe that my chosen path is the only the only path. Lately I have come to believe that there is no path at all, that the journey begins and ends not with a step but with a breathe.
Posted on April 22, 2009
This last month has been one of many beginnings and endings. I am used to change, just as I am accustomed to the rain in Portland. When I was a child, my family moved often. I learned early on to keep my connections to places and things, and sadly, people, to an intensity level tolerable for the inevitable reality that none of them would be permanent. Years later I understood what I had taught myself to do and I changed. I decided to live with the pain of loss, however great, and began to attach myself more deeply to places and people. Some might say I have swung too far, that I engage too deeply; I can only say that it is where I am most comfortable now.
Posted on April 18, 2009
I am the thin space
Posted on April 17, 2009
I have been in a definite funk lately. The dirty laundry alone is evidence enough. And yet it wasn’t until I found myself in a strange predicament of my own making (which I won’t detail for lack of time and space) that I realized just what a state I am in. Sometimes I feel I am outside of myself, watching an unsteady child. I want to stop myself before I fall, but know that the hard landing will provide the impetus for change. I am in the midst of that fall…deciding just how I might land. Gently, I hope.
Posted on April 14, 2009
I have slowly come to realize that I have created the God I believe in. I suppose to some degree we all do. All that is lacking in my life is found in my God. I have essentially projected my desires into my spiritual beliefs. I think of the God of the Old Testament, testing and judging His people; This is not the God I would ever imagine or believe in. My God is Love only; Love without explanation or words. Big Love. I think we imagine our God to be what we need Him/Her/It to be. And my God is no exception.
Posted on April 13, 2009
A very old man went out one day on the land beside his house, and began planting fruit trees.
Posted on April 13, 2009
Posted on April 10, 2009
“Trouble is the common denominator of living. It is the great equalizer.” Soren Kierkegaard
Posted on April 9, 2009
“I have been feeling very lost lately. My only solace is that I have been lost before, and when I found myself again, I was in a better place. Only this time, I have lost my ability to imagine….I pray that God imagines for me. I hold nothing to be true or permanent save Divine Love. I dreamt of it once, truly. Many years ago I dreamt of God as my Beloved and woke with this incredible feeling of Love that I cannot describe. I can only say it was so immense, that I believed it would fill me forever. I Knew God’s Love, was paralyzed by It and at the same moment, moved by It out of my own limits into a Greater Truth. I do not know why I was blessed at this moment, I had done nothing to deserve It. But that is how it is with God’s Love. It is a Gift, a Beautiful Gift…a Gift that is always there for us, and in that Divine moment God allowed me to receive it. Today, I give up everything, and pray that I can be opened to receive again.”