In Hebrew the word for equanimity is erech apayyim, literally meaning “long faced.” This is the description of the expression one has in meditation…that calm, softened look of peace. I need equanimity, want to be it. Like all things spiritual, it seems I must stop the search in order to to discover what it is I seek.
For years my spiritual path seemed like I was on some metaphysical scavenger hunt, collecting experiences, performing rituals, as if they were on some list. I’d check off every box and boom one day I’d be enlightened or happy or at peace. Often I didn’t even know what it was I hoped to find. As if a sense of accomplishment was the spiritual prize.
These day I look at all I have to shed. And after years of accumulating, there’s a lot. I don’t seek anymore, I “let go of.” My religion is kindness. I am not perfect in my practice, but perfection isn’t the goal; lovingkindness is.