who’s voice is the loudest in my head?

woke up this morning
with the immediate desire for
the day to be over…

never a good sign

Sometimes the strangest thoughts pass through my mind and I wonder, “does anyone else think these things?” Today as I walked to the art store, I was once again pondering the meaning of life, my life specifically.  I’ve been pondering this too much lately in fact.  I think the world of academia is messing with my psyche.  I know it is. I have a running conversation in my head about school and what it is that I want out of it, and what it is that my professors want out of me…and which one is really more important.

It’s not just my professors too.  It’s everyone who asks me, “what are you going to do with an art degree?”  “Well isn’t it obvious? I’m going to be an artist,” I want to say. But I don’t. I just wonder if “they” are right. I wonder what’s so wrong with believing that I can be an artist…. besides the money thing…

If I could list my accomplishments in the “Book of All I Have Done” who would read it anyway.  It would just sit on the shelf with billions of identical books…one for every man, woman, and child on this planet.  If I accomplish nothing else in my life, I have done enough…I have done enough..