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belief

Last Wednesday at my yoga teacher training class we had a seminar on the Bhagavad Gita that “the Swami” facilitated.  The fact is I love the Ashram where I attend yoga and am now studying.  The grounds are beautiful; I love the yoga offered there; the people are warm and welcoming and really smart and accomplished too. It’s pretty wonderful.  What I don’t understand yet…is the Swami.  He’s the leader of the Ashram, a man who has spent his adult life living the life of a guru in America. Not an easy path in life…not an east thing to understand.

What is hard for me to get, well one of the hard things for me, is the devotion others have for him.  Perhaps it is akin to the devotion Catholics have for Saints…maybe I’ll ask Swami that next time I have the chance (he and I are both former Catholics).  Maybe it’s that I haven’t experienced the Swami in a way that I would feel compelled to devotion.  Save for the love I have for my kids, I guess I lack the experience of devotion in an earthly relationship.

Lately I feel I have little belief in anything. What I have is my experience…my subjective and neural response to the world. That’s it… That’s what I believe in.  Truth is moving object..memory can’t be trusted…the experience in the moment…it’s all I have.  And it can bring me great comfort.  My sadhana, my spiritual practice, is learning how to be in this world.  Just be. That’s what I believe in now.

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