hair

Hair is an accessory…like shoes really.  At least that how I think of my hair.  I’ve had ever hair style and color possible…from Demi Moore’s short-do to the crazy long perm of the 80’s.  I rocked a shag 70’s, and I must be clear…it was a bona fide shag and not a mullet…although I have had a mullet..a result of a very bad haircut( the only time I ever cried over my hair).  I do not believe in crying over one’s hair.  It’s hair for God’s sake.

I’ve decided to grow my hair out for the summer. Really. I made it vow not to cut it. But I need something to amuse me during the grow out, so today I’m headed into see Sasha at Blu.  We’re coloring.  No idea what or how. I’m torn between “edgy art student” and “sophisticated woman of the world.” Maybe something in between.  I’ll post a picture later.

Later……………………..

I went with teal…and love it

Nillson

a favorite song of mine…and the choreography(loose definition) makes me smile..

reflection

I talked with my son just briefly yesterday. I had been trying to get in touch with him for a little while, just checking in, and he called me back just moments before I had to go into a class.  He had many stories to share and was abuzz with excitement.  He had finished a quarter and was hanging out with friends in Laguna Beach.  He was getting a car and has a great summer job lined up.  And best news, he might even be home for a week and I would get to see him.

Then this morning I got a call from my daughter.  She shared  that her physical, required for her summer job, had come back reporting she was in excellent health.  The best of which was that her heart was strong and healthy.  The news made me well up.  Just yesterday I had received an email from the treatment center she had gone to last summer for her eating disorder.  Life has moved on.  She is recovering, we are all recovering.

I was struck by the settledness I feel.  Momentary as it is, or as my mind allows it come.  I had a talk with my father a few days ago.  It is the talk we have often.  He worries about my lack of ambition and a plan, that I have flitted from one thing to the next, never really having a career.  And I remind him, painfully, that I raised children.  That was my job…I chose to be a mother above all else.  And  then he back pedals, trying to make sense of my life if only for himself.  And I am left feeling less than in his eyes…misunderstood and a disappointment.

The calls from my children reminded me of some greater truths.  There is nothing that is more valuable than love.  I have been very fortunate to have lived a life that allowed me to be a mother.  I have worked hard and loved deeply, and there is nothing I would change about that.

enter

stop
the momentum
take a breath
take a few breaths even
and remember what it feels like
to breathe
no holding
no waiting
no expecting
just being
what is it that I feel now?
tired
a little hungry
and free

return to wellness

Everyone has their cross to bear in life, mine is my digestive system.  I carry my stress in my gut. I can’t complain though as I can manage my issues by eating well and taking care of myself…win/win really.  Why I forget this is beyond me.

As a child I was plagued by rashes and digestive issues.  I wouldn’t say that I was sickly child, but I had more than my fair share of illnesses growing up.  Recurrent rashes as well as persistent and debilitating intestinal pain as adult had me turning to a naturopath and accupuncturist for answers and help I hadn’t found in conventional medicine.  The answers came and wellness followed.  My diet was overhauled. I eliminated the usual suspects, strived for a balance of work and play, and learned the importance of sleep.

When I am well..I am so well.  It’s unbelievable what true health feels like. It’s been so long since I have felt that healthy. Life became a little crazy and I let bad habits creep in, one by one, and little by little that wellness faded and the old normal returned. My lesson in all of this is of course that when life gets crazy…I need more than ever to follow my healing routine…diet, rest, exercise. I can take on the world when I am healthy.

Off to the yoga mat.

Happy Earth Day

some images from my yard..on earth day.

Columbine

when recycled becomes art
sweet delicate flowersbold, big and bluepeas..shelling and snap..

still life of potatoes..harvested this morning from my greenhouse

Being

If I am to live only in the moment…then the purpose of life exists only in that moment.  There is no greater plan than now..nothing to work towards or for.  There is only now.  “The purpose” then would be “to be.”  All other possibilities are… impossible.

cs price

Discovered this artist tucked away in an obscure room in the Portland Art Museum. Now I visit his pieces every time I go.  He’s a Northwest artist; most of his works at the PAM are of horses and houses, with the exception of one abstract self portrait. He made tiny models out of paper and wood which he painted from.  I love the use of color, the boldness of strokes (I think he used  palette knife).  Each time I revisit his work, I find something new to appreciate.

what a day

I have misplaced my camera. I just used it the other day and now I can’t seem to find it anywhere.  It’s such a shame too as today is easily the most beautiful day of the year so far.

I woke up early this morning, filled Luka’s dog bowl, and headed back to bed.  I surprised myself by sleeping until almost 10! I never, NEVER, sleep in til 10.  “Sleeping in” for me is until 8.  I forgave myself, and headed outside with my yoga mat and had the loveliest of practices I have in a long while.  My yard is beautiful, a sanctuary really. I meditated at the end, facing the sun, feeling content.

I have  a list of chores/homework to do today, so I must get to them.  Today I feel like like I may just accomplish everything I set out to do.

Spring