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I took Nietzsche to bed last night

“I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer.”

I think I’m in love with Nietzsche. He is full of contradictions, necessary and believable contradictions. A nihilist and not a nihilist, both…because there is no other choice. A kindred spirit.

This semester I’m taking a class called ‘Critical Theories in Art.’ We’ve only had one lecture so far, and I have fallen in love with philosophy all over again.  Yesterday I felt that thrill of learning and the pain of learning too slowly all at once.  I want to know and understand everything NOW. It’s wonderful to be excited about learning.  I’m waking up, constantly waking up.

I had planned to go and check out the First Thursday art scene after school, but instead I found myself in the library basement pulling books from the stacks…my God (dead or live) those philosophers were prolific! I had to stop myself at some point.  How many books could I possibly read by the due date..while getting all my other homework done too?

Maybe I’ll study philosophy this summer and return to school in the fall with a clearer picture of who I am as an artist. Maybe it will only add to my confusion.

Amor fati…

I do.

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