It’s a beautiful morning. Blue sky and I am home. Unfortunately, I am sick. In fact, I have been sick for almost five weeks now. A persistent and annoying fever and general malaise has been home in my body. Last night I went to bed, a healing mantra circling my brain..”I am healthy and strong.” I awoke stuffy and weak and missed school for the first time ever. I hate missing school.
Perhaps I am pushing too much, trying to accomplish more than I should. I see others who seem to do this successfully. Working and playing, never pausing. I am not one of them. My body needs rest. My soul craves the quiet. I forget who I am sometimes, what it is that I need. Simple things. Time outside. A gentle walk, light, love. I can have these things and nothing else. And I do. And life is sweet and good.
Once long ago, before I had children even, I would day dream of the very simple life I would make for myself. I would have a garden and old but lovely home. I would dry my clothes on the line and make dinner for my lover. It would be perfect.
I have excuses sometimes. This winter has been cold and I have far too far clothes for line drying. There is little light in the Pacific Northwest and one must work hard to pay the taxes on that lovely little property.
Other times, I can see that I am right where I have dreamed. I have these things. I have arrived. Being and doing are different things. I have to see my world with a ‘be-ers’ mind and all is well. Perfect even.
Today, I am taking time to heal. My curtains are open and if I can muster the energy I will head out for a walk with Luka, my beloved dog. My lover is coming home for lunch today. There is nothing else I need.