My city at night

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Art School

Nothing like art school to test one’s self esteem. This morning I’m sitting in my figure drawing class waiting for class to start.. Feeling a little lucky, very a little concerned.

I’ve decided to walk away from my paying job to focus on ‘being an artist.’ At some point I knew this would have to happen; but the truth is my fear of failing has kept me from taking the leap.

Weird circumstances over the weekend had me question my lack of effort at times, the choices I make, and what it is I want. What I want is to be immersed in the creative process.

What I do now is leap.

Nine Miles

Between a 3 mile run with Luka and young Chris, and a six mile stroll with both the Chris’..I logged a respectable nine miles today.  The run wasn’t so easy; I’ve gotten out of shape.  I enjoyed it though. Today was a lovely day…sunny and warmer; I’ve turned the heat off and the house is 70 inside!! Maybe spring is on its way.  I’m looking forward to warm runs and sunlight.

celiacs

last night I fell asleep at 6:30

Chris woke me at 1 am

so I could go to bed

I have been sick

again..

I think it is the lack of sunlight

and my inability to stay away from wheat

every day I count my “clean days”

days I haven’t been bad

and eaten GLUTEN

it sucks

but there are other things

that suck more I suppose.

Once a few years ago, well maybe more than a few

years

I was really good..

i obeyed all the food rules

and felt AMAZING

and then i slipped

and have never been as diligent

until now…

day…..three

for the last time

evening walk

blue sky

for the first time in too long
I see the blue
filling space where only grey
has been
i have been painting blue for months
my memory and heart
urging oil from tiny tubes
into impossible hues
i have past waiting
my expectation left long ago
so this blue
this day
is a sweet presence
shaded by nothing

rain rain rain rain rain

I think the sun is a flower, That blooms for just one hour.

 

Ray Bradbury…
via Christopher Blair