Posts from the ‘friends’ Category

Oct 21

old friends

I talked with an old friend today. We haven’t actually talked to each other in about eighteen years, but last year or so we reconnected through…facebook. For all that I hate about facebook, I can’t help but be amazed and a little grateful for the fact that I have found dozens, literally, of long lost friends through it.

While my friend and I haven’t talked, we have emailed each other and caught up as much as one can. Today though, for the first time in too many years, I heard his voice and it was..I can’t explain it…it was healing. I have moved too many times to count in my life, and have lost touch with more people than I care to admit. Today was an unexpected gift.

What was most lovely about the our conversation was that it was never awkward. It could have been. I wasn’t necessarily expecting it to be. But by the same token, I was surprised to find it so easy. And now, a few hours later, I am overcome with heartbreaking gratitude that I do not understand and cannot explain. I have felt that parts of me have been scattered around this globe; I have drifted, rather than rooted. There are moments, like this call, which still me, as if the wind has stopped and for a moment I could be held in one place.

My own memory is not very clear and accurate. Often I have found it easier to forget; the constant leaving wore heavy; the cost of it evident in unclear pictures and poor recall. I forget that others haven’t lived this way. And I am grateful for that. Today I live differently. It has taken me awhile to come to this place. Knowing nothing can be held, expecting everything to change in an instant, I make my home in the present moment. Give it now, listen well; hold and touch and smell all that is with you in this single frame of an instant. There is no memory or judgement there.

Today a single phone call from an old friend gave me comfort. The world is at once a small and immense place and though I may be scattered across it I am held together by the graciousness of others.

Jul 17

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why can’t women get along?

Today at work, I heard a young woman say, “I don’t get along with girls.” I’ve heard that often from women. “I don’t get along with other women.” In fact I have heard those words uttered no less than three times this week.

I have never once heard a man say, “I don’t get along with men.”

What is it with women/girls that we have such trouble connecting to each other. I have to admit that while I haven’t ever uttered that phrase…I may have thought it. I have heard my own daughter profess her preference for male friends over female ones. Why is this so?

Often I hear the statement followed up with one of he following..

…I can’t trust women, they say one thing to your face, and another behind your back.

…they’re so dramatic.

…they’re backstabbers

…women are jealous of me

…they’re so high maintenance

Are we the competitive, insecure, shallow, selfish people we label ourselves to be? Do we make lousy friends? Are we really untrustworthy and hard to get along with? Are men really better friends?

Perhaps the sting of betrayal is just harder to bear from a girlfriend? Perhaps we expect more from our female friends than our guy friends, and are disappointed in them more often. I don’t know. And it makes me sad. I have hope though. I have seen wonderful relationships between women…it happens, and happens often, perhaps we just don’t celebrate that enough.

I recall when my daughter was kindergarten, she was best friends with another little girl. They did everything together and adored each other. The teacher felt they were too dependent on each other, and so separated them the next year. My daughter and her friend drifted apart. I wonder what might have happened had their friendship been allowed to just be. What’s wrong with developing close relationships? I regret my silence…why didn’t I question this decision?

I have decided that it is not too late to change this for myself. I have slowly recognized my own culpability, and I have been working on nurturing and cherishing my relationships with other women. Perhaps I have just been lazy in the past, lacked effort more than intent. Perhaps the greater truth may be that I haven’t valued myself enough as a woman to see the value of other women. The tide is changing on this.

Mar 11