"for certain you have to be lost to find the places ‘can’t be found"

“I have been feeling very lost lately. My only solace is that I have been lost before, and when I found myself again, I was in a better place. Only this time, I have lost my ability to imagine….I pray that God imagines for me. I hold nothing to be true or permanent save Divine Love. I dreamt of it once, truly. Many years ago I dreamt of God as my Beloved and woke with this incredible feeling of Love that I cannot describe. I can only say it was so immense, that I believed it would fill me forever. I Knew God’s Love, was paralyzed by It and at the same moment, moved by It out of my own limits into a Greater Truth.  I do not know why I was blessed at this moment, I had done nothing to deserve It. But that is how it is with God’s Love. It is a Gift, a Beautiful Gift…a Gift that is always there for us, and in that Divine moment God allowed me to receive it. Today, I give up everything, and pray that I can be opened to receive again.”

I wrote the above a year or so ago.  The event happened several years before.  On occassion I reread this passage from my journal, to recall my experience. I draw upon that moment, knowing that if it were possible once, it is possible always and at all.  Sometimes I can find myself in a place of such sorrow that I close off the possibility of hope. And then this beautiful memory,though faded and thin, whispers to me, “there is so much more.”

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