This week I will mark my 49th birthday.
I’m actually looking forward to 50. I look forward to feeling free enough to be who I am. I wish I were there yet, but in reality I am not. I worry about what people think, still, and way too much. I have put off my dreams and adventures for too many reasons to count..but really I can only cast blame on myself.
This next year I vow to be more courageous. I will put myself on my the top of priority list. Really. Truly.
Below is my list of what I hope to accomplish
1. dancing weekly
2. a regular yoga practice
3. promoting myself as an artist
4. painting..expanding my skill as an artist
5. spending a long day in the woods several times a months
6. regular hikes with Luka
7. eating more fresh vegetables…DAILY; eating better in general
8. planting a garden..even a small one
9. communicating more with my children
10. letting go of stress
11. setting boundaries
12. letting go of stuff..decluttering
13. being present with those I’m with
14. becoming a better listener
15. less time on this computer
16. journaling regularly
17. swimming every chance I get this summer
18. being kinder to myself
19. saying yes more often to opportunities
20. saying no to obligations I really don’t have energy or desire for
21. projecting and supporting positive thought, actions, words
I’m sure I could add to this list, but these are the most important to me right now. They also lead to creating the life I want and to becoming the person I want to be.
It’s glorious. I love everything about my new home. Really, everything!
The beautiful wood floors, the stain glass windows( see the previous post), the large yard, the once barn/now garage/soon to be art studio, the window seats in the living room (my favorite place to sit) my doorbell, the lovely perfectly sized kitchen(not too small..not too big), three bedrooms, the ceiling fans (so nice here), the lilac bush and the giant maple, the front porch…the back porch, the neighborhood, the next door neighbor, the town, the beautiful White Mountains that surround us…
Chris took me on a drive last night to see moose, still elusive. As we were heading home he said something to the effect that we had sacrificed a lot to get here. It’s true. We’d talked and planned and acted on a dream of coming east for about a year and half. We gave up the security of jobs and friends and a known way of living for a giant unknown. We have spent a lot of money and energy to realize our dream, our scheme, our plan for a different kind of life. We have been each other’s sole companion and confident, cheerleader and best friend. More than a few judged what we were doing. They thought us fool hearty…that we needed to be careful..have more of a definite plan. We did what we did. Sometimes you have to take a chance and leap. We’re still leaping, there are still some unknowns, but what happens tomorrow is always unknown.
Today, I know that I love where I am living. For the first time, truly, I feel home. I am in a place of my own choosing. Today, there is no place else I’d rather be.