the land before my mind

I want to return to the time

before my mind believed anything to be true

and live there again

just long enough

to realize the absurdity of  what my mind believes now

Once, long long ago, I remember that place, “the land before my mind.”  I prayed each night that I might be allowed to go back.  Each evening, for most of the years of my childhood I said this prayer.  I said these words until they  became meaningless ritual and I could no longer understand why I had prayed this at all.

Years later, a session with a gifted healer brought back this memory to me, the prayer came easily again, only I no longer believed in the possibility of its realization.

These days I seem to move between the belief and unbelief, managing my hope and grief on a daily basis.  I wonder if others manage their living as I do.   Do others remember this place?  It is not so much a place, but peace manifest. Sometimes, during meditation or in my dreams I can visit a place like it for a moment and that can sustain me. Other times, I can recall my childhood remembrance with clarity and that is enough.

One day, if I can wait, (though patience is not always my virtue), I believe I will return.  It will be my Homecoming.

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